the time I could have gone to jail.

Yeah, oppps...

I could have gone to jail.

Saturday night my new roommates and I held a fantastic dinner party. We had about 20 guests and more food than we could eat, with even more wine!

After stuffing ourselves on the amazing turkey dinner we'd prepared our house full of people went into the city for drinks and dancing.

By the time we left, I'd killed a bottle of wine all by myself and polished off a shot of tequila with my roommates. We got to the bar and it was packed. I was with The Consultant (don't worry I'll update you about him soon) and we decided to leave and go to another, less crowded bar with his best friend.

I was a little nervous to be out with The Consultant's best friend and decided it would be a "good idea" to order a round of tequlia (yes, more) shots for everyone. After downing a couple more drinks we headed back to his place.

I remember very little after that...

I remember being on the ground and hugging a railing.
I remember feeling like I was going to die.

From what I've been told by The Consultant, we left the bar, after I insisted we go back and have sex. After about 3 blocks or so my legs started to give and I hit rock bottom wasted. I could barely walk and just kept falling all over the ground. Then I sat down and started hugging a railing and puked. Ugggh...

Apparently, we were near a 7/11 and a woman came out and said she was calling the police. At that same moment a random stranger was walking by and offered to help The Consultant with me. Coincidentally, the stranger lived in the same building as The Consultant. I guess, he tried to pick me up and I was screaming that I didn't know him and he said, "Don't worry, hun, I'm gay. I'm not going to hurt you," and he scooped me up in his big gay arms and carried me all the way to The Consultant's apartment.

I want to send him flowers. There are good people out there.

I woke up the next morning completely clothed, coat and all, not knowing how I got there. I apologized a 1,000,000 times to The Consultant. He keeps telling me it's okay and that he doesn't think any differently about me, but I'm still thoroughly embarrassed that he saw me like that. *sigh*

I also woke up minus my purse. I have no idea where it is. Lost my phone, keys, ID, blah, blah....it really blows. My body was so busted and sore. My feet are still tore up and my knees are black and blue.

I feel like such an asshole.

We also found out the next morning that The Consultant went the ATM (which he doesn't remember) and left his card in it and someone took out $200. It's really creepy to think that someone was watching him. The good thing is that the bank is going to reimburse him.

We're quite a pair.

___
I'll update more on The Consultant soon.

4 days with The Consultant.

I spent 4 days in a row with The Consultant.

Thursday, we met up for dinner and drinks.

Friday, he decided he wanted to cook me dinner at my place. The food was fantastic, the wine was flowing and the chemistry was undeniable. He ended up staying the night.

Saturday, we went out to watch football at the bar where we met. After the game we went back to his place and fell asleep.

This morning he came with me back to my place to pick up some of his things and stayed for a couple of hours just lounging on the couch with me.

___

That's a lot of time to spend with someone. I don't know how I feel about it or him.

PROS:
- He makes me laugh the whole time I'm with him.
- He has a big personality and people love him (which is so sexy).
- He's considerate and sincere.
- He's relaxed and easy-going.
- He's very sexual (just like me).

CONS:
- He's 5 years old than me and tries to give me advice a lot.
- He's a little particular about some things, like food/restaurants, music and clothes.
- I think he might be a little hung-up on this "girl"friend named G.

On Saturday night, he had a few too many drinks and gave me a little honest hour. He said that he likes me and enjoys spending time with me , but: 1.) he's got commitment issues [who doesn't] and 2.) he doesn't like the fact that I just moved here and haven't had time to get settled and figure out what I want out of this town.

I told him that despite that fact that I'm younger, I've dated a lot of men and know the type I'm looking for and that he shouldn't be making decisions based on what he thinks I want/need. I have no idea if he even remembers that conversation or not...we didn't talk about it in the sober light of day.

We fooled around instead ;)

emotional control.

Sometimes when I'm alone I have overwhelming emotional moments. I feel like my worries and dreams and nightmares and anxiety are filling the whole room.

I react differently to it each time.

Sometimes I just sit and stare a let my brain shut down for a while. I just look at a wall and listen to my breathing not able to move at all.

Sometimes I get angry and punch my pillow or pick up a random object and throw it across the room. And I scream really heavily under breath, deeply and with enough force to allow for relief.

Sometimes I cry out of nowhere. I sob with my whole body and let it drain out of my pores.

I despise these moments.

In those moments I have no control. My body and my emotions have taken over and I feel helpless.

I'm not one to be helpless.

I understand though, that I need these moments. Everyone does.

Moments of utter relief from the stress of life.

I find it ironic that one must lose control in order to keep it.

----
I'm deep sometimes.

the time I had sex with Bob Ross.

Things with The Consultant having been going extremely well...which of course makes me nervous. I'm enjoying my time with him, but I'm also waiting for that moment when I do something to screw it all up or he does.

This is probably one of the reasons I have been single for so long.

I just feel like dating is so strange that way. You're with someone wasting your emotional life on them, when you don't even know if anything will come of it, except awesome stories for martini night with the girls.

At any rate, things are going well...

On Thursday, we met for drinks at happy hour. I was really nervous for some reason. My hands were shaking and my lips were trembling. Needless to say, I got a drink very quickly. We started talking and my nerves quickly flew out the window.

He told me I looked sexy in my work clothes. Yeah, baby.

Then on Friday, my new roommate and I went into the city all dressed to go. I ended up just finding this great wig and rockin' it all night long. The Consultant ended up meeting up with us and he looked hilarious in his costume. He went as Bob Ross and kept painting happy trees for everyone all night. I lost him 1000000 times because people kept pulling him around the bar.

My roommate had one too many tequila shots and the two of us drug her back home. Although, not before she puked in the subway. Apparently, I was getting a little of control too. He said I was spreading my legs for him on the subway...I don't recall 0;)

Moral of the story is...I had sex with Bob Ross this weekend...not once, not twice, but three times before he left me to venture home on Saturday. He can paint my landscape anytime.

I retract my earlier statement. He's delicious and I can definitely get used to it.