Sometimes when I'm alone I have overwhelming emotional moments. I feel like my worries and dreams and nightmares and anxiety are filling the whole room.
I react differently to it each time.
Sometimes I just sit and stare a let my brain shut down for a while. I just look at a wall and listen to my breathing not able to move at all.
Sometimes I get angry and punch my pillow or pick up a random object and throw it across the room. And I scream really heavily under breath, deeply and with enough force to allow for relief.
Sometimes I cry out of nowhere. I sob with my whole body and let it drain out of my pores.
I despise these moments.
In those moments I have no control. My body and my emotions have taken over and I feel helpless.
I'm not one to be helpless.
I understand though, that I need these moments. Everyone does.
Moments of utter relief from the stress of life.
I find it ironic that one must lose control in order to keep it.
I'm deep sometimes.