Monday, November 3, 2008

emotional control.

Sometimes when I'm alone I have overwhelming emotional moments. I feel like my worries and dreams and nightmares and anxiety are filling the whole room.

I react differently to it each time.

Sometimes I just sit and stare a let my brain shut down for a while. I just look at a wall and listen to my breathing not able to move at all.

Sometimes I get angry and punch my pillow or pick up a random object and throw it across the room. And I scream really heavily under breath, deeply and with enough force to allow for relief.

Sometimes I cry out of nowhere. I sob with my whole body and let it drain out of my pores.

I despise these moments.

In those moments I have no control. My body and my emotions have taken over and I feel helpless.

I'm not one to be helpless.

I understand though, that I need these moments. Everyone does.

Moments of utter relief from the stress of life.

I find it ironic that one must lose control in order to keep it.

I'm deep sometimes.

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