Monday, December 22, 2008

dating trends.

During my the last few years in the singles scene I have noticed the following trends in my dating life:

1.) The men who pick me are much better than the men I pick.

When I walk into a room, I admit it, I give it a good scan. There's no shame or blame in that, ha. Generally, at first glance I am attracted to men who are: tall, dark headed, big boned (not over weight, but with a little love) and smiling. I am also attracted to men who exude a certain, cocky, bad-boy attitude and that's where I tend to screw up. In the past I've dated drug dealers, drug users, losers who never work and notorious bar-fighters. I've drooled over motorcycle tough-guys and "i'm rich bitch" cocky assholes. 

They've always ended up breaking my heart or pissing me off enough to have declared lesbianism 1,000,000 times. My declaration never sticks - I just love the dick.

I get hit on by all types of men. Sleezy, slow, classy, ugly, sexy, moderate, poor, rich, fat, skinny and so on. However, some of the nicest guys that I've dated I never would have given a second look if they hadn't approached me. That guy is generally the "nice guy," the everyone girl loves him, but wouldn't date him guy, the small guy who was probably quiet in high school and they guy who has a nice job now and finally has confidence. They're the type I should go for.

2.) Older men are more attracted to me than men my age.

I can't say exactly why this occurs, but it does. Not all of these men are extremely older, some only a year or so, but many of them are 5+ my senior. They've told me I don't "act my age," that I present myself as being more mature and sexy than a mere 22. I appreciate that.

They like to "figure me out," like I'm some sort of puzzle because I have confidence and a good sense of self. I don't see what that's so freaking special, but I can't say it isn't flattering.

I like older men more anyway. Men generally mature slower than women, so older men are closer to my level than guys my age; I'm reluctant to even call guys my age men. 

3.) Most of them are more sexually inexperienced than they should be.

It just throws me for a loop...especially, since most of them are older than me. 

I have always been a firm believer that a woman cannot truly be please by a man without first knowing how to please herself. If you don't know what gets you hot, how are you suppose to let anyone else know; male or female? How these men who are 5+ years older than me have gotten by without knowing the location of a woman's clit is beyond me. How they've gone so long without understanding that good finger fucking doesn't mean jamming two fingers inside me like trying to chip paint off a wall, but using gently come-hinter motions on the g-spot - I have no clue.

My best guess is that all the women they'd been with before didn't have the nerve to tell them they were clueless, let alone teach them. All the men who spend more than one night with Miss Jade come out with a better knowledge of cuming and that's no lie.

4.) People love them.

Out of the slew of different men I've dated, seen, slept with, swooned over and so on, there is only one thing that they have all had in common. They have all been mister popular, mister everybody loves them, the guy everyone screams at when he walks in to a room and the guy no one wants to leave.

They've all been confident and funny. Class clowns, low-class social superheroes and party directors. 

They've all kept me smiling and made my side split with laughters. They've made me want them by simply being lovable and not even knowing it.

It's the one thing they've all had in common and the one thing I wouldn't change about any of them for a second.

5.) They're always momma's boys.

I haven't really deduced why this is, but for some reason the almost all of the men I've ever dated, have been in love with their mother. They wanted me to act like their mother. They wanted to be doted on, complimented, encouraged, cooked for, cleaned up after, etc. Even the rough-tough ones. The "i'm a hard ass" guys - big pussy, momma's boys.

It just blows my mind. They all had stay-at-home, brownie baking, apron wearing, tuck-you-in-at-night mommies. I didn't quite grow up with that and the fact that these overly confident men need it, annoys me, to be frank.

Perhaps that's the reason they're confident. Their mommies pumped them so full of shit that they think they never stink.


It was quite an interesting realization for myself to come up with this list and could possibly be the reason most of my relationships have gone sour, but thinking on it now, I realized that The Consultant carries all of them and things are still going great. Perhaps he'll be my exception or perhaps he'll be just another chapter. Either way he certainly is a note worthy character.

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